Overwhelmed.

Where to go with this. My mind is a whirl of thoughts. A whirlpool. Probably more of a cesspool (sp) since I really am not having the spiritually fit thoughts that I should. Or that I am at least capable of. I am sure that I am acting out of fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the new. Fear of well just plain scared of the changes. Of the way that people perceive me. Mainly I am just scared of money. Financially we should be OK. But neither of us budget well. We do good for about maybe a month then we lose track of our goals. So now Jen wants to buy a car. She has looked at Jeeps Grand Cherokees, Dodge Calibers, Saturn Vues and Subaru Outbacks. LOOKED. Like window shopped. Hasn't test drove anything. Just looked. Well she drove her first one. A the Subaru. The one that has been at the bottom of the list. Now its at the top. Not a car I like. Not an image I like. She is buying it. She has it in her head that she is getting it. She doesn't know if she can be financed. She doesn't know what the insurance would be. She hasn't haggled a price at all. She is just buying it. Its the first one she has driven!! AAGGHHH. My frustrations stem I think from we owe people money. We live paycheck to paycheck. We aren't making an effort to pay these people back. What is it going to look like when we pull in with a new vehicle. I cant get excited about this car. I am not sure where to go with it.

coincedence? I think not.

So. At the favorite hangout. The White House. Not THE WHITE HOUSE. The Open Hamburgers White House. The one where they know my name when I walk in. You can't get coffee anywhere else like theirs. Its my Cheers. Anyways. Dennis asks me if I ever heard of blog spot. I say Nope. Basically you can Blog and its really only you that reads it. Its not real easy to search. Why blog here? He says why write a journal.

Hmm. 3 weeks ago. Maybe more I wrote in a journal for a couple days in a row. I felt good. I liked those thoughts and feelings on paper. I've been feeling cranky. People ask how I am I say F.I.N.E. They here fine not the Fuckedup, Insecure, Nueroticand, Emotional that I mean it as. So Dennis has given me way to journal that I think I can get into. I am an internetaholic. This is perfect for me. So. Just a coincidence that he sent me to a link to his blog spot that doesn't work? I think not. I have admitted. I do believe and I turn it over sometimes. I don't believe in coincidences. I believe in the mysterious ways.