this and that

this and that. rants for the day.

myspace vs. face book = myspace wins for me because its MYspace. Facebook. I really dont care that you sent a message to someone, that you sent a bumpersticker to someone. I want to truly make it myspace. Maybe I am unfamiliar with facebook. But it just doesnt seem easy to put pics up and make the space unique.


I didnt ovulate this month. So much for the perfect cycle pattern I thought I had. Thats what I get for thinking right. Oh well. We will keep tracking. I suppose that the stress of the party was rougher on me than I thought. I mean a backed up sewer and thunderstorms leading up to a party with a band and everything. Come on. Higher power bring it on. Thats all you got. Well I probably just jinxed myself. I suppose I will be regretting that taunt.

Its starting to rain buckets!! yeah let my tomato and dill plants grow!!

ta ta for now.

How is it that:

How is it that the U.S. Government can be 3 trillion in debt and I am a month behind on my phone bill and the collectors call me?

How is it that when the Government is that much in debt the President can find enough money somewhere to give out stimulus checks and I cant scrape enough up to go out to eat?

How is it that I am looked down open because I attend AA meetings yet the guy who just fell the bar stool isn't the one with the problem?

How is it that my partner and I aren't an appropriate environment to raise a child in yet an ex convict and her abusive boyfriend are allowed to?

How is it that a Presidential candidate does not put himself on the ballet in my state because Michigan's votes do not matter?

How is it that oh well you get the picture. Life seems to be filled with things that do not make sense to me. We are supposed to be a free country yet I feel suffocated by the restraints set on us by people who really do not represent me. I now have a presidential candidate that didn't bother to put himself on my states ballet because in the long run it would not have mattered. So my vote doesn't count? Why not 1 vote for everyone. Count them all up and that's the winner. 'Nough of the vote in August and in November.

I feel stifled. Like I am at a loss. Unmotivated. Uninspired. Unchallenged. Bored. I need something to stimulate me. Not sure what its going to be. Not sure when it will be. Not even sure what to look for. How it will happen or who it will involve. Unfocused is a good definition right now. Maybe too much on my plate. Hmm.

Overwhelmed.

Where to go with this. My mind is a whirl of thoughts. A whirlpool. Probably more of a cesspool (sp) since I really am not having the spiritually fit thoughts that I should. Or that I am at least capable of. I am sure that I am acting out of fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the new. Fear of well just plain scared of the changes. Of the way that people perceive me. Mainly I am just scared of money. Financially we should be OK. But neither of us budget well. We do good for about maybe a month then we lose track of our goals. So now Jen wants to buy a car. She has looked at Jeeps Grand Cherokees, Dodge Calibers, Saturn Vues and Subaru Outbacks. LOOKED. Like window shopped. Hasn't test drove anything. Just looked. Well she drove her first one. A the Subaru. The one that has been at the bottom of the list. Now its at the top. Not a car I like. Not an image I like. She is buying it. She has it in her head that she is getting it. She doesn't know if she can be financed. She doesn't know what the insurance would be. She hasn't haggled a price at all. She is just buying it. Its the first one she has driven!! AAGGHHH. My frustrations stem I think from we owe people money. We live paycheck to paycheck. We aren't making an effort to pay these people back. What is it going to look like when we pull in with a new vehicle. I cant get excited about this car. I am not sure where to go with it.

coincedence? I think not.

So. At the favorite hangout. The White House. Not THE WHITE HOUSE. The Open Hamburgers White House. The one where they know my name when I walk in. You can't get coffee anywhere else like theirs. Its my Cheers. Anyways. Dennis asks me if I ever heard of blog spot. I say Nope. Basically you can Blog and its really only you that reads it. Its not real easy to search. Why blog here? He says why write a journal.

Hmm. 3 weeks ago. Maybe more I wrote in a journal for a couple days in a row. I felt good. I liked those thoughts and feelings on paper. I've been feeling cranky. People ask how I am I say F.I.N.E. They here fine not the Fuckedup, Insecure, Nueroticand, Emotional that I mean it as. So Dennis has given me way to journal that I think I can get into. I am an internetaholic. This is perfect for me. So. Just a coincidence that he sent me to a link to his blog spot that doesn't work? I think not. I have admitted. I do believe and I turn it over sometimes. I don't believe in coincidences. I believe in the mysterious ways.